


Aries x Virgo

by BambiDoe



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance, Taking Back Sunday
Genre: Eventual Smut, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Recreational Drug Use, Slow Burn, drunk hangouts, gerard's puke kink, lots of dirty thoughts, no real plot, occasional binge drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-05-10 06:19:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14731559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BambiDoe/pseuds/BambiDoe
Summary: "You always fall for dudes with 'chaotic energies.'"





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There are hardly any adam fics on here that have adam as a main character on here that don't have brand new in them so, im posting some of my own. 
> 
> im totally writing this story blindly. all i really have planned out are the characters and vague plot details/ things that can happen. that's it. i have no idea where this story is really going and i really hope that people will kinda "go on this journey" with me (if that makes sense)
> 
>    
> btw this is set in some kind of weird au where james is the drummer for mcr because i love james and don't care for bob. whoops.
> 
> as always, i appreciate every single comment and kudos. i love talking about my writing so, questions are cool, too. <3

It’s about ninety-seven-fucking-thousand degrees outside, and Gerard doesn’t do well in the heat. Outdoor festivals aren’t his thing. James jokes that it’s because he’s secretly part vampire. Not one hundred percent or anything, just vampire enough to where he can’t stand being out in the sunlight for more than a few hours at a time. Like, closer to thirty percent if he had to guess.

There’s sweat glistening on his face, and his neck, and pooling up under his arms, leaving dark wet stains. He glances over at James who is just as sweaty and gross as he is. Everyone’s disgusting. Even the guys in nothing but shorts and the girls in bikinis are still drenched head-to-toe in sweat. Gerard wishes he had the guts to walk around in nothing but a Speedo out here. It’d probably feel so much better.

“Goddamn, it’s hot out here. I should’ve brought sunscreen. I’m gonna burn like a motherfucker.” He whines.

Usually, he doesn’t burn too bad, he just gets really tan. This time, though, he’s sure he can physically feel the sun turning his skin a bright shade of pink. The beer he’s finishing off doesn’t cool him off as much as he had hoped it would. Water would have been a better choice. James shrugs and holds out a pack of cigarettes, offering him one as a way of saying: “Sorry you feel that way but, that’s not my problem.” without actually saying it out loud.

“It’s the middle of July. You shoulda worn shorts like everyone else.”

Gerard is almost offended by the suggestion, Obviously, he should have. Duh. But, he’s a musician, a performer, an artist. He likes to stick with a certain “look” even when he’s not on stage.

In all honesty, he just feels really self conscious with his unfortunate tan lines on full display but, he likes to pretend that the impractical “vampire clothes” were solely an aesthetic choice. A black t shirt and black jeans isn’t that much different than a tank top and shorts. Either way he’d still be sweating.

Seeing all of these other bands play makes Gerard wish his own band was working out. There’s a subtle feeling of jealousy bubbling up in the pit of his stomach that makes him wish he had never agree to come with James in the first place. It’s not fair. He put so much into it; they all did, but the whole damn thing is slowly falling apart from the inside out.

At one time, they were good. They still are (well, according to ticket and merch sales). But, lately, he’s been avoiding the rest of the band. All they do is nag him about his drinking. They keep telling him: 

“You’re always drunk. Lay off the booze.”

“You’re always hungover. Take some aspirin.”

“You’re always late for practice. Stop staying up all night.”

And he’s so sick and tired of it. James is the only person on his side now so, he follows him around like a lost puppy, trying desperately to feel less alone.

The band they’re watching is mediocre at best. The singer has a nice voice, Gerard decides to give them credit for that, they’re just really unremarkable. The vocals aren’t enough to make up for the lack of stage presence. 

James takes Gerard’s beer from his hand, takes a sip, and then passes it back.

“You drink shitty beer.”

It obviously wasn’t shitty enough for him to help himself.

“Thanks.”

What it tastes like doesn’t matter, unless you’re some kind of beer aficionado. You don’t drink beer for the taste, you drink it to forget your problems that were probably caused by drinking too much of it in the first place. 

The rhythm guitarist does some kind of screaming thing with his voice that doesn’t sound quite right. It’s what James and Gerard both imagine what someone strangling a pig would sound like. There has to be someone else playing another stage that they could be watching instead.

“Why are we even watchin’ these fuckers?” Gerard asks. “I think we’re missing Audio Karate. They were supposed to play today. Weren’t they?”

It was James’ idea to see whoever-the-hell this is. Gerard could go look for something else to do but, he feels weird and out of place wandering around the festival all by himself.

“My buddies are playing this stage next. They suck pretty bad, too. You’d probably like ‘em.”

Oh. It’s not these guys he wants to see, it’s the band after them. That makes sense.

“Yeah? It ain’t Rufio is it?”

It’s probably not but, that was the first name that came to mind so, it was as good of a guess as any. James is friends with everyone. Any band here could be his “buddies.”

“Nah. Fuck Rufio. They cheated at beer pong last time we played a festival like this with ‘em. This is Taking Back Sunday. Y’know? The dudes from Long Island?”

Long Fucking Island. The scene in New York isn’t very welcoming. It’s a tight-knit group, almost like some kind of exclusive club. Everyone knows everyone. It’s nothing like the scene back in Jersey.

The band on stage finishes up. People are screaming for an encore. Gerard feels like, maybe, he’s becoming a crotchety old man because he really doesn’t get the appeal. The screams, the synchronized headbanging, the repetitive riffs. It’s not good.

When Taking Back Sunday gets on stage, Gerard is expecting the same damn thing. They look...boring. Plain. He looks over at James, who is watching with a big, stupid grin on his face. 

“You see that guy? James asks, pointing at one of the guitarists, “That’s Eddie. He’s been in like, an actual metric fuck ton of bands around here. This one’s his latest. I think they’re gonna be huge.”

They start to play and it’s like an explosion.

A sudden burst of energy. 

They’re actually really fucking good. As usual, James was right and, as usual, Gerard won’t admit it.

Gerard watches the singer throw himself around on stage, flinging his mic by the cord and letting it wrap itself around his neck. He pulls it tighter and tighter, and Gerard and James both wonder how far he’s going to go. Is he really gonna choke himself out on stage? His face starts to turn a purplish-red before he unwraps himself and tosses it in the air.

“They’re pretty good.” Gerard says. There’s something about them that he likes, he just can’t put his finger on it. “You know them like, personally?”

James nods. Of course he does. He’s a social butterfly, hopping from clique to clique, drinking with one band for a few months and doing coke with a different band the next. Right now, he’s drumming for My Chem. They needed someone after losing two drummers, and he needed something to keep himself busy for a while.

“Yeah! We go way back. They’re cool guys to hang out with. Really sweet. I wouldn’t work with ‘em though. Too much drama going on behind the scenes.”

Gerard doesn’t mind. He needs the excitement. Touring with his brother and their friends has lost it’s magic. He still loves them, even if they don’t get along most of the time, he’s just tired of the same old shit every day.

“Man, I fuckin’ need some drama. I’ve been so damn uninspired lately. Hook me up with ‘em!”

James raises an eyebrow. Drama isn’t going to help. The only thing that’s going to keep MCR from an inevitable split is Gerard getting his shit together long enough to finish the album they’re working on. The last thing he needs is to start on a new project with a band that’s also headed for disaster.

“It’s not the kinda drama you’re lookin’ for.” James tells him. “It’s not exciting shit. It’s like, really petty high school shit. You’d get sick of it.”

That doesn’t deter Gerard at all. He’s mesmerized by the singer. He’s got that crazy, raw, punk energy that he misses in the scene. 

Something that can’t be faked.

Long Island is only about an hour bus ride from Jersey, depending on the traffic. Distance won’t be too big of an issue. They can work with that. It wouldn’t be like trying to collaborate with someone on the other side of the country.

“Thanks for stickin’ around to watch us play, ladies and gentlemen. You guys are too cool.”The singer says. He’s so southern and so not-from-New-York-or-Jersey, a total contrast from anyone Gerard has ever worked with.

He imagines what their solo project is going to be like. Their first release could be a concept album about space bandits. People will love it! It could have it’s own comic series and maybe a movie to go with it...

MCR will have to wait. His friends won’t mind if he does his own thing, right? It’ll give them the break they all need.

“You think he’d wanna work with me?” Gerard asks, pointing towards the singer.

The rest of the band is good, too. There might be someone else he can work with. For now, though, he’s just focusing on one person. The frontman. The face of the band. Everything else will have to be worked out later. 

“I don’t know. Adam’s pretty fuckin’ tough to deal with. Besides, what are you gonna do about the band you’ve already got? Mikey’s gonna give me hell if he finds out I’m setting you up with someone else.” James replies.

 

Gerard starts to think that he might be getting ahead of himself. There’s a pretty good chance Adam could just say he’s not interested. Taking Back Sunday is a good band. Why would he waste his time with something new?

“Don’t worry about it. We’ll work things out. I just need a break. Y’know? I feel like everything I’ve been working on is so stale. I need something new.”

Having something new to focus his energy on would be good for him. He knows it. If he doesn’t switch things up, he’ll get bored. Stagnant. Uninspired. It’ll be the last nail in the coffin for the band he’s in now.

“Why don’t you just ask him if he wants to meet somewhere and you guys can just play together and see what happens? It doesn’t have to be like, formal or anything.” James suggests. 

That’s not a bad idea. At least it would take the pressure off. 

The sun gets covered by a cloud, offering the tiniest amount of relief from the heat. It still feels like it’s a billion degrees anyway. They just started playing and Gerard isn’t even sure if he’s going to survive the rest of the set. He’s miserable just standing still. 

“I don’t know. I just need another fuckin’ beer, man.” He whines. It’ll only be like, his third or fourth. That’s not so bad. He’s had more in less time before.

James hands him a two ten dollar bills. It’s way more than they really need for beer but, he doesn’t feel like counting it out. Twenty bucks will cover it.

“Go get something.” He says. “I’ll buy if you get me one, too.”

Gerard shakes his head. 

“No. I wanna see these guys play. Can you get it? You’ve seen them play before already, right?”

James wipes sweat from his forehead with the side of his hand. They’ll be so glad when the sun starts to go down. Fuck outdoor festivals. Fuck them. Fuck them. Fuck them.

“Fine. What do you want? Same kind?” He asks, gesturing towards Gerard’s now empty beer can.

“Yeah. Thanks.”

He deliberately ignores it when James rolls his eyes at his drink selection. Beer is beer. It’s all the same.

“I’ll be right back.”

Gerard hopes this doesn’t take too long. For some reason, watching the show by himself makes him feel out of place. It didn't use to be like that. He always felt at home at shows no matter what. Now, he feels almost isolated.

The more he thinks about it, the more he starts to realize that the feeling isn’t exclusive to this particular situation. It creeps up every single time he doesn’t have someone with him to distract him.

Maybe that’s why James is the way he is. Maybe he feels isolated sometimes, too.

Gerard has always thought of himself as an introvert but, he’s starting to think that maybe he doesn’t actually like being alone. He just avoids people because it’s easier than having to watch them side-eye him as he drowns his insecurities in booze.

A drunk man in the crowd is yelling “Fuck you! Get off the stage, asshole!” and a woman yells, “Shut up, dude!” back at him. Adam playfully threatens to toss his mic at the guys head. 

“I’m just fuckin’ with you, man.” He says, wearing the cord around his shoulders like a boa. There’s a roar of screaming and applause from the crowd. They’re eating this shit up. Even the dude being threatened is shaking his head and laughing along. Adam’s got a certain charm about him...

“I’m back!” James says. “Sorry it took so long. There were like fifty other people...”

Gerard doesn’t even catch the rest of his story. He just takes his beer and chugs part of it, ignoring the awful churning feeling in his stomach.

He’ll be paying for all of this beer and sunshine tomorrow morning.

“When they get through playing, I’ll introduce ya.” James says. “But don’t get too attached. Last I heard, he was already taken.”

“So?” 

Gerard pulls the tab off of his beer can and starts to nibble on it, just for something to occupy himself with. Whether or not Adam is taken is irrelevant. He’s not sure why James is under the impression that he wanted more than someone to make music with.

“I’m just sayin’.” James says, as he lights up a cigarette. “Don’t get all weird and defensive about it.”

He looks so damn smug, like he knows something Gerard doesn’t and Gerard hates it.

“What?” He keeps pressing for answers but, James just laughs, knowing damn well Gerard isn’t going to let it go.

“Remember when you used to hang with The Used, and Jeph would always talk about people’s like, ‘energies’ or whatever...?”

That was a long time ago. At least a year. The last time they played together, they were both still just getting started. 

“...Yeah? What about it?”

Taking Back Sunday finishes their set. Adam thanks the crowd for about the nine-thousandth time. They look so happy to be up there. 

MCR used to be that way. It was fun back then.

“You and Adam both have what Jeph would call ‘chaotic energies.’ You always fall for dudes with ‘chaotic energies’.” He gestures wildly each time he says, “chaotic energies” as if, somehow, wiggling his fingers is supposed to help explain what he means. 

That’s fine. Chaotic is what he’s looking for, anyway.

It doesn’t take long for them to find Adam hanging around by the busses after their set. He looks really fucking cool leaning up against the side of the bus with a cigarette in one hand and a bottle of water in the other.

“Hey! You guys fuckin’ sucked!” James says, cheerfully. The big stupid grin is back on his face.

Adam’s eyes automatically light up when he sees them approaching.

“Dewees! Man, What the hell are you doin’ all the way out here? I thought you were still back in Chicago!”

It’s blatantly obvious that he’s a little bit beyond tipsy and that makes Gerard feel a little less insecure about his own mild drunkenness. Four drinks is like, pretty close to sober as far as he’s concerned.

James laughs. He’s got a strange honking cackle that always makes Gerard laugh whether whatever he says is actually funny or not. It’s contagious and charming in it’s own weird little way.

“Nah. I’m not playing with those guys anymore. I’m working with My Chemical Romance right now.” He points to Gerard. “It’s his band. He sings.”

Adam holds out a hand for him to shake. 

“It’s nice to meet you. I’m Adam. The other guys are on the bus right now, I think they’re changin’ clothes or somethin’.”

It isn’t until Gerard shakes his sweaty hand, that he notices semi-fresh hickeys on the side of Adam’s neck. He tries not to look but, the more he tries not to look, them more he feels like it’s obvious that he’s trying not to look.

“I’m Gerard. Nice to meet you, too.” Gerard says, keeping his eyes on Adam’s hand. For some reason, he’s so in love with the fact that Adam’s nails are painted black. It adds a touch of personality to his boring, basic band tee and jeans outfit. 

And then he remembers why he wanted to meet him in the first place.

“You guys are damn good.” He tells him, “I know you’re busy with your own band and everything but like, I’d be super interested in working together on something some time. We don’t even have to actually release an album or anything. I just really wanna jam with you for a little bit and see what happens.”

There’s a reason he’s not a businessman. He hopes that he doesn’t come off as desperate. Fortunately, Adam seems pretty flattered by the proposition.

“Yeah?” He takes another cigarette out of his pack and passes it to James before he gets one out for himself. “We can try it out, I guess. I’ll give you my number so we can meet up sometime and we’ll go from there.”

On one hand, Gerard is relieved that he didn’t get flat out rejected. As far as he knows, Adam hasn’t heard any of his music yet. That means there must be something about him personally that he likes. On the other hand, maybe he’s just trying to be polite because he’s a mutual friend of James’ and he doesn’t want to hurt any feelings. 

He has to remind himself that Adam’s opinion doesn’t matter all that much. My Chemical Romance has been a success so far. It’s not like his entire career is riding on this or anything.

There’s finally a slight breeze and it actually feels pretty nice now. The sky is starting to turn a mix of pinks and oranges as the sun sets. Gerard is glad he’s not sweating anymore. 

“Sorry, James. You’re not invited to our super cool secret project.” Gerard teases. 

James doesn’t really mind. He’s already got a million different things going on now But, he pretends to be shocked and offended, just to give them a hard time.

“Don’t worry about it, man. I don’t wanna be a part of your shitty band, anyway. Good luck, though. You guys are gonna need it.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im not even sure if anyone is actually like, reading this but, im sticking with it because i have a bad habit of writing things, getting self conscious, and then deleting lol. the next chapter will really be where the Good Stuff™ starts. i just wanted to do a chapter focusing on gerard's relationship with mikey because friendships in stories are just as important to me as romantic and/or sexual relationships and i don't want them to just fade into the background.
> 
>  
> 
> thank you for reading! kudos and comments are super cool. 
> 
> i reread this a few times to check for any glaring errors so hopefully i didn't miss any. sorry if there are still some weird grammar/punctuation mistakes or anything.

“So, you’re leaving the band to do your own thing?” Mikey asks. 

He doesn’t really sound excited, like Gerard thought he would. He just sounds confused and sad. It’s hard to blame him, though. The day before yesterday, they were working on new music together. Today, there’s a complete change of plans. This all came out of nowhere. 

Gerard pours himself a glass of water and sits down at the kitchen table. There’s a pot of coffee brewing on the counter and, he considers going for a cup but, there’s a raw, burning feeling at the bottom of his throat and he knows that coffee is only going to make it worse.

This morning, he got pretty lucky. His hangover could have been so much worse, considering how dehydrated he got yesterday. Instead, he’s just fending off a little bit of heartburn and a pretty bad headache. For once, his stomach actually feels okay and he didn’t wake up puking his guts out in the bathroom.

His tolerance for alcohol has gotten a lot higher and, if he lets himself think about it too much, it scares him. So, he pushes the thought out of his mind and tries to focus on his brother and the inevitable stream of questions that are about to come up.

Moving in with Mikey was a terrible idea on his part. They both thought it would make things more convenient while they toured last year. Mikey’s single bedroom apartment is barely big enough for two people but, they figured they could make it work. Splitting the bills in half would save enough money to help him pay for gas, and food, and cigarettes, and the occasional drugstore eyeshadow palette. Now, they feel trapped together. As kids, they were inseparable. As adults, they get along as long as they stay out of each other’s way. 

“I don’t wanna quit or anything. I just wanna do something else for a while. Y’know? Like, this isn’t working out the way we want it to. You know it isn’t. We’ve been trying to write for weeks and it’s not coming together like it used to.”

Mikey sighs.

“It’s gonna take a while.” He snaps, “You’re an artist, dude. You know you can’t rush this kinda stuff.”

Technically, he’s right. They can’t write an entire album in the span of two months and make it sound good. But, it’s not the timing that’s the problem. Nothing they’ve written feels right to him. It’s decent but, his heart isn’t in it. It feels fake. Like, they’re writing this just because they need a follow up album and not because they actually have something to say.

Their first album came so naturally to them. It flowed. They poured their hearts out on paper and set it all to music. This time, something is different. Maybe it’s because they know people have expectations for this one. It has to be as good as the last one, if not better. It makes Gerard self conscious about his work, knowing that there are actually people out there who are waiting to hear what he has to say. 

“I know. I know. Like, I totally fuckin’ get that. It’s just-- I need to step away from My Chem for a little bit. It’ll be good for all of us.” 

The confusion and disappointment in Mikey’s voice is replaced with frustration. Gerard regrets even telling him about it. He should have just kept his mouth shut.

“Look, Gerard. If you wanna do a side thing, that’s fine. Whatever. But, don’t expect us to put our work on hold for you. Singers are a dime a dozen. We can find someone else.”

Mikey’s words make Gerard feel like he’s replaceable. It hurts but, there’s no way he’s going to admit that. If he acts like it bothers him, it’ll make Mikey feel like he’s right and he can’t let that happen.

Gerard tries to convince himself that Mikey is just angry. His band needs him. They wouldn’t be the same if he wasn’t a part of it.

“Don’t fuckin’ worry about it.” Gerard tells his brother, “I’ll make time for both. I swear. This is just gonna be like, a fun little side thing.”

The clock on the wall reads 8:45 AM. This is probably the earliest Gerard has been awake in weeks. There’s a long, awkward silence between the two men that makes him want to get up, go back to bed, and pretend this whole conversation never happened.

“...I guess I’m gonna get a cup of coffee...” He mumbles.

Coffee still doesn’t sound very appealing. He just wants to change the subject. Mikey is being dramatic as always. Multitasking is possible. James does it all the time. He always has more than one project going on at a time. If he can do it, Gerard knows he can, too. 

“So, how are you planning on doing this?” Mikey asks.

And there he goes again. Bringing it up even after Gerard made it obvious that he was done talking about it. He wonders why his brother is so damn upset about this. Yeah, he might inconvenience his bandmates a little bit if he ends up starting a new project (and that’s a HUGE “if.” For all he knows, he and Adam might hang out once and then decide to never see each other again. They don’t have any solid commitments yet.) But, it’s not like he’s completely abandoning them. 

The coffee burns his tongue as soon as it hits his mouth. It’s still really good coffee, though. Probably the best cup Mikey has ever made with this old coffee maker he had purchased from a resale shop years ago.

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ, Mikey. It’s not that serious. I don’t get why this is such a big deal to you. I’m not fuckin’ married to this band. I just wanna do something else.”

He feels like he’s already explained this a hundred and fifty times. My Chemical Romance is still important to him. Frank, and Ray, and Mikey, and James are still important to him. He’s put his heart and soul into it all already. But, as an artist, he needs some outside inspiration. That’s the way he works. They might be able to stick with one thing but, he can’t. He gets too restless.

Mikey doesn’t say anything back. The conversation is over.

“I’m gonna call Adam and see if we can make some plans to hang out. His band’s really fuckin’ cool. I really like the vibes he was giving off. Y’know?” Gerard says, “If we ever end up recording something, you’ll be the first motherfucker to get a copy of our demo. I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw i changed the summary because i originally bullshitted one like, five minutes before i had to leave the house.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhhh....so maybe this was just a filler chapter. i had literally 4 different drafts and i hated every single one of them and this one was the one i hated the least so yeah. sorry it's not much but, i just really wanted to update.

Gerard is so damn nervous and he doesn’t even know why. He keeps telling himself he shouldn’t be. There’s no reason to have imaginary butterflies fluttering around in the pit of his stomach. This isn’t a date. They’re just meeting up for dinner and then they’re gonna go back to Adam’s place to hang out and play music for a while.

But, goddamn, Adam looks pretty when he’s not all sweaty and dirty from being out in the hot sun all day, and Gerard really hopes that Adam feels the same way about him.

This morning was the first morning in a long time that he actually put effort into getting dressed up. He even bothered with eyeshadow; Partly because he wanted Adam to think he was exciting and cool, and partly because he needed something to focus all of his nervous energy on. Painting his face is soothing somehow. 

Really, Gerard just doesn’t know if he wants to be Adam or be in/on/all over Adam. He just wants to impress him so, so bad. 

The diner is almost totally empty. There’s a family in one booth against the opposite wall, and two different elderly couples occupying tables in the middle. One guy is chowing down on a stack of pancakes that looks really, really good and Gerard wishes he had ordered them instead of a lame salad.

“So, I looked you guys up and listened to some of your stuff.” Adam says, “You guys have that whole like, sexy vampire thing goin’ on. It’s cool.”

He sounds...Nonchalant? Unimpressed? Indifferent? Gerard can’t get a good read on him. His heart sinks a little.

“Thanks. We’ve been writing some new stuff but, it’s been---” He throws his hands in the air dramatically, trying to convey his stress with hand gestures.

Adam stirs his iced tea around with his straw. He hasn’t stopped fidgeting since they’ve been here. Either he’s bouncing his knee or tapping quick rhythms on the edge of the table. It doesn’t stop. Ever.

“Like, I think you guys are really good. Your shit is just really, like, way different than what I’m used to doing. And I’m sure like, you feel the same way about our shit.”

It’s totally different but, in a way, still very similar. Gerard thinks they could make it work if they wanted to.

“Yeah. I get it. We’ve been super into like, Japanese horror movies lately so, I think it kinda shows up in our music and our whole stage look sometimes. It’s one of those weird things we kinda bonded over as a band while we were touring.” Gerard explains.

The waitress stops by to ask them how their food is and they stop, mid-conversation, to let her know that it’s great. It’s actually not. It’s mediocre diner food at best but, it’s edible and that’s what counts.

Adam smiles politely at her and then turns his attention back to Gerard.

“It looks good on you. I couldn’t pull that shit off.”

Gerard can practically feel his heart slamming itself against the inside of his ribs. Is he flirting? Or is he just being nice? There’s a brief moment of silence between them that feels like, if they were in a romance movie, they would both lean in for a kiss. But Gerard has always been one to read too far into things. 

They’re not gonna kiss. They just met and it’s not like that. This is strictly business. 

Kind of.

“Well, I noticed your nails the other day, so I thought you’d dig the makeup. I don’t normally wear it off stage.” Gerard says.

“Oh!” Adam glances at his nails. The black is almost all chipped off around the edges but, it still looks good. It suits him. “Yeah. I paint ‘em sometimes. I used to do the whole eyeliner thing, too, back when I was still in high school. ‘Could never get it to look good though. I looked like an asshole.”

Gerard laughs.

“No! I bet you looked punk as fuck. I used to wear eyeliner when I went to art school. People thought I was a chick.”

The waitress comes back with a receipt and tells them that there’s no rush and they can pay whenever they’re ready. 

“You wanna get out of here?” Adam asks. “I’ll pay for the taxi if you wanna cover the tip.”

Gerard agrees. Giving a tip is way cheaper than the taxi, anyway. 

 

Adam’s apartment isn’t really shitty in the sense that it’s unkempt and dirty. It’s just shitty in the sense that it’s really old and run down. There isn’t much to the actual building itself. Just a single bedroom with barely enough room for more than one person. It’s a lot like the one he and Mikey live in.

It’s obvious he’s put a lot of work into trying to make it look halfway decent, though. Almost every wall has framed art hanging and there are little figurines and knick knacks all over the place.It’s tacky, but, there’s something really aesthetically pleasing about it.

“Sorry my place is a fuckin’ shithole.” Adam says, “I moved here when I was eighteen with a buddy of mine who’s a lot older and we had a falling out last year so, I’ve just been keeping it together as best as I can.”

Gerard doesn’t mind the mess. He’s stayed in his fair share of sketchy motels all over the country while My Chem was touring. On a scale of one to ten, this is like, a two or three.

“Nah. It’s cool. I kinda like it. It’s got character. So, how many years have you lived here?” He asks.

Adam has to pause for a second to count the years on his fingers.

“About six years, I think. ‘Can’t remember the exact month we bought it.”

So, Adam is twenty-three. Gerard had no idea he was four years younger than him. If anything, he would have guessed he was older than that.

“You’re twenty-three?” He asks, in disbelief. “You’re Frank’s age!”

“Yeah. I get that a lot. People always think I’m like, twenty-eight or something. I guess stress will do that to you. How old are you?”

Gerard feels a little guilty for letting his surprise show. He just blindly assumed that Adam was his age for some reason. It wasn’t anything about him in particular that gave him the impression.

“I’m twenty-seven.” He replies. “I’ll be twenty-eight next April.”

Adam grins. He’s got a cute smile.

“I knew it! I knew you were an Aries! You just have that Aries vibe...Oh! You want a beer or anything? I don’t really drink beer so you can help yourself to it. I just keep it in the fridge for guests.”

There’s a part of Gerard that wants to ask what the hell he meant by “I knew you were an Aries.” but, he decides not to ask. Adam’s already changed the subject and he doesn’t want to be pushy about it. 

“No thanks. I’m good.”

He declines the beer, knowing full well that once he has one, it’s going to lead to another, and another, and another...

Adam looks puzzled for a moment.

“Are you sure? I mean, I’ve got plenty. You want like, a water or anything?”

One beer won’t hurt, Gerard decides. He’ll stop at one. As long as he doesn’t get wasted, he’ll be fine.

“Well, yeah, I guess I’ll take a beer. Thanks!”

As Adam makes his way to the kitchen to get the beers, Gerard takes the opportunity to check out a group of little figurines sitting on top of a bookshelf. Not a single one of them goes together at all, and it makes Gerard wonder if there’s any rhyme or reason to Adam’s decorating.

“I hope you’re okay with Keystone Light because that’s all I’ve got. I coulda sworn I had a few Blue Moons or somethin’ in here but, I guess people helped themselves last time I had a party.”

The sudden sound of his voice makes Gerard jump a little.

“Yeah. That’s fine.”

It’s definitely not ideal. Gerard doesn’t consider himself picky at all but Keystone is pretty fucking bad. He takes it anyway because beer is beer. If he swallows it quick enough, he won’t be able to taste it too much.

Adam opens his own can of beer and takes a sip. He hates it, Gerard can tell just by the look on his face.

“This is fuckin’ gross.” He says. “If you don’t want it, it ain’t gonna hurt my feelings.”

Gerard guzzles damn near half the can, trying to finish as much as he can without actually tasting it. Maybe James was right. Not all beers are the same. 

At least the taste will keep him from wanting more later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> with every chapter of this story im like "I SWEAR IT'LL GET BETTER JUST GIVE IT TIME!!" because right now,they're still in that "oh i just met you so i gotta be polite" phase but, it'll unravel real quick.
> 
> thanks for reading lol! kudos and comments are always super appreciated!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAJOR EMETOPHOBIA TW IN THIS CHAPTER   
> so if it bothers you, just skip it. i don't think you'll miss much.

In his still-a-little-drunk-still-half-asleep state, it takes Gerard a full two minutes to realize the music he’s hearing is actually his cell phone going off next to him. How it ended up out of the pocket of his jeans and beside his head is beyond him. At some point he must have used it to text or call somebody. 

He looks around, taking in his surroundings. This isn’t home, obviously. He doesn’t remember passing out in Adam’s living room but, he must have at some point. After all, he had drink, after drink, after drink. This is the first time they’ve hung out and Adam has already seen him blackout drunk. Charming. That’ll make a great impression.

A wave of sudden nausea hits as he tries to sit up. Maybe that’s not such a good idea. Puking all over Adam’s carpet isn’t going to win him over.

The phone rings again. This time, he decides to answer it.

“What?” He asks.

His mouth feels dry. James is on the other end. Thank God. Gerard really thought, if anyone, Mikey would be the one blowing up his phone, trying to figure out where the hell he disappeared to.

“Where are you, dude?” James asks, “Mikey called me like, three times last night asking me if I knew where you were. He was freakin’ out.”

Of course Mikey was panicking. James wouldn’t worry like that. He cares about Gerard, sure, but, he trusts him to take care of himself.

“Look. James.” Gerard keeps his voice to a whisper so he doesn’t disturb Adam who is sprawled out on the floor, snoring like a bulldog. “I told him me and Adam were gonna hang out. I don’t know why he freaked. He knows where I went. It’s not like I just walked out without saying anything.”

He’s so annoyed by the fact that Mikey feels like he has to check up on him like a child. He’s a grown man. In fact, he’s older than Mikey. If he ends up dead in a ditch somewhere, that’s nobody’s business but his own.

“Wait! You guys hooked up!? Gerard. You can’t do that. He’s already with somebody!”

Gerard takes a deep breath in and lets it out slowly. The nausea seems to be fading a little on its own, thankfully. As long as he doesn’t think about food, he’s fine (for now, at least).

“I know. I know. You already told me that. God, you’re so fuckin’ nosey. We didn’t do anything like that. We just went out to eat and then we got wasted at his place.”

It sounds like a hot mess when he says it out loud. But, really, that’s just part of the lifestyle. It comes with the territory and all that. Really, James wouldn’t expect anything else.

“So did you guys actually get anything done?”

He’s asking too many questions. Gerard can barely remember the details.

“Nothin’ serious. He let me use one of his guitars and we kinda played a few cover songs together. It was fun...” The sun is starting to come up, and he has to pee, and he still sorta feels like he might throw up but, Adam hasn’t shown any signs of waking any time soon. “...I gotta go. I’ll tell you more about it later. He’s passed out right now and I don’t wanna wake him up yet.”

Now, it’s awkward. He doesn’t know if he should pretend to be asleep for a while or if he should just go ahead and wake him up. Slipping out and trying to make his way to the bus station sounds like a good idea but, he’s too sick and dizzy to find his way safely. James could pick him up but, it’s a far drive and he’ll be waiting forever. He might as well just stay until he sobers up a little bit.

“If you don’t wanna deal with Mikey, you can crash at my place for a little while. I’m gonna be home for a few days.” James offers. 

Gerard feels a sense of relief wash over him. Listening to Mikey lecture him about safety isn’t the worst thing that could possibly happen, he understands why he feels the way he does but, it’s not what he wants to hear right now. 

“Thanks. I’ll see ya later, I guess.”

James hangs up before Gerard gets a chance to say anything else. Adam is still sleeping peacefully. . Everything Gerard had to drink last night is now pooled up in his bladder. Or, at least, that’s what it feels like. If he had any idea where the bathroom was, he would just get up and go. Adam doesn’t seem like the kind of guy that would get weird about it. But, he isn’t sure exactly which room it is and he doesn’t want to get caught snooping around the house.

“Adam! Hey!” Gerard hisses.

No response. Nothing.

He says his name again. This time, a little louder.

Still nothing.

“Jesus, Adam. Are you fuckin’ dead or something’?” He asks.

He’s starting to get uncomfortable and impatient. The feeling of having to pee is only making him feel sicker.

Finally, Adam rolls over on his side and opens his eyes.

“What?” he mumbles.

He sounds so confused.

“You sleep like a rock. Can I use your bathroom? I gotta pee so bad.”

Adam shuts his eyes and makes himself comfortable again, clearly unwilling to get up anytime in the near future.

“Yeah. It’s down that hall. First door across from the bedroom.”

Gerard gets up slowly. Ignoring the heavy feeling in the pit of his stomach. He swears to himself that he’s never going to touch another Keystone Light again. Ever. It’s not worth it. It’s disgusting, and it’s not worth it. If he’s going to go through this hangover from Hell again, it’ll be from something good. 

The bathroom wasn’t hard to find after all. It’s not nearly as tacky and cluttered as the living room but, the salmon pink tiles, and pink hand towels, and pink soap dispenser makes Gerard question Adam’s tastes in interior decorating even more. Why pink? 

It doesn’t matter. 

He finishes his piss and washes his hands before splashing his face with a little bit of cold water. It smears what’s left of his eye makeup even more but, it feels nice against his skin.

“Fuckin’ fuck.” He mumbles, checking himself out in the mirror.

He looks like a corpse with tangled hair and bloodshot eyes. If only he could look like this on stage...

And suddenly, there’s banging on the bathroom door.

“Gerard!” Adam sounds so distressed. “Gerard. Please unlock the fuckin’ door!”

He doesn’t hesitate. It’s pretty obvious what’s going on and it’s not good. Adam barges in and drops down in front of the toilet, puking his guts out. The sounds of him gagging sends Gerard’s stomach into a tailspin and he throws up in the sink next to him. All of the effort he put into not getting sick was for nothing. But, it’s okay. At least he’s not alone.

“I’m never drinking that shit again.” Adam coughs.

He pulls his knees up to his chest and rests the back of his head against the wall. Gerard spits into the sink one last time and runs the water, trying to clean up as much as he can.

“Sorry I puked in your sink.” He says, sheepishly. 

Their voices are both hoarse and raw. This hasn’t been a good morning so far for either one of them.

“I’m sorry I gave you Keystone. Don’t worry about it, man. It happens.”

Gerard splashes his face again with cool water. He really wishes he could brush his teeth, or at least gargle some mouthwash but, he doesn’t know if it would be weird to ask. The taste in his mouth is awful.

Adam sighs and combs his hair with his fingers. He looks cute somehow. Gerard feels so fucked up for thinking it but, there’s something about watching him puke that he’s into. Obviously, he doesn’t want him to be sick. The thought of him feeling miserable makes him feel terrible. It’s just the whole concept of someone so pretty doing something so foul, and messy right in front of him that he likes. 

He wouldn’t mind watching him take a piss, either. Shit, however, is where he draws the line. He can’t imagine any scenario where shit is appealing. That’s gross.

“You feel any better?” Adam asks.

Honestly, despite his stomach being sore, he really does feel a lot better now that he’s not trying to fight off nausea.

“Yeah.” He says. “It’s gonna be a while before I ever drink a beer ever again, though.

It’s not. He’s just saying things in the moment and he knows it.

“Same here. I feel like shit. You wanna go lay down for a while?”

Gerard isn’t quite sure what he’s asking. Like, obviously, he’s asking if sleeping off his hangover sounds like a good idea? Or is he inviting him to lay down with him?

Either way, he wants to restart his whole morning. Sleep sounds so nice, even if it’s just a quick nap on the couch.

“...I’ll sleep on the couch if you wanna sleep on my bed.” Adam continues.

Gerard feels like an idiot for thinking he was flirting. Of course he’s not. Most people don’t want to fuck you after you just puked in their salmon pink bathroom sink. 

“Are you sure? I mean, your couch is pretty comfortable. I wouldn’t mind sleeping on it again.”

It doesn’t matter to him. The bed is fine. The couch is fine. It’s all good as long as he can get some rest. He follows Adam out of the bathroom. Both of them are still shaky and tired but, the worst of the hangover seems to be passing.

“Go lay down and I’ll get you some aspirin or somethin’. My bedroom is that room right there.”

His bedroom is a mess but, honestly, not the worst Gerard has seen. It’s not dirty. There aren’t dirty dishes and empty cans all over the floor or anything. It just looks like he wasn’t expecting any guests. The bed is already unmade and there are extra pillows and blankets strewn across the floor.

Gerard wraps himself up in a blanket cocoon and shuts his eyes. Physically, his body is tired. His eyes are heavy and he feels like he could fall asleep at any moment if his brain would just stop coming up with weird fantasies and hypothetical conversations. 

He hears Adam come in and set a glass of water and a container of aspirin down on the nightstand beside the bed. 

And then Gerard finally falls asleep again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was weird to write because i have really bad emetophobia. i just sort of pushed myself out of my comfort zone to see how graphic i could make it without getting too anxious.
> 
> gerard tweeted that he liked watching people throw up so i just rolled with it because why the fuck not???
> 
> anyways, thanks for reading! comments and kudos are awesome. <33


	5. Chapter 5

It’s been exactly thirteen days since Gerard last got drunk. Not bad. That’s only a day away from two whole weeks. If he were really an alcoholic like his bandmates claim he is, he would have given in days ago. Once again, he’s right and they’re wrong. They don’t know any better.

This time, it’s not a Keystone Light in his hand. He’s kept his word on that one. 

Tonight, some guy who knows some guy that worked on the production of their first EP is throwing the biggest house party in Jersey and everyone is here. If he doesn’t drink, what’s the point of even showing up? A party isn’t a party without weed and booze. 

“Wait. You’re gonna call it what?” Lindsey laughs when Gerard tells her the name he and Adam have picked out for their side project.

There’s a small crowd forming around him in this guy’s living room as he tells his story. G erard Fucking Way of My Chemical Romance and Adam Goddamn Lazzara of Taking Back Sunday are doing music together. They might not be mainstream popular at all but, in their own local scenes, they’re practically legends already.

“We’re gonna be called Watersports!” He says, proudly. “We wanted something kind of obnoxious but not like, vulgar y’know?”

People laugh. Gerard feels like the life of the party right now. Which, if he wasn’t intoxicated, he would absolutely hate. The alcohol gives him a feeling of being invincible, though. His insecurities are pushed aside for the time being.

“I love it! It’s got that like, old-school Blink vibe to it. Like, it would totally fit into the whole mid-nineties pop punk scene.” Lindsey tells him.

Gerard is so flattered. He’s admired her work as an artist for so long. Her opinions are like the word of God to him.

“I’d love for you to do our album art for us once we actually come out with something worth recording.” He says. “I mean, I’d have to ask Adam about it, obviously but, having you do our CD booklet would be so fuckin’ rad!”

He did his own art for My Chem’s last album and, while he had fun with it, he wants something totally different for Watersports. Lindsey’s work is crazy good. She’s done gig posters and album covers for several of his friends and it all came out amazing. Her career is taking off.

She takes a sip of her drink and then offers some to the girl she came with.

“Yeah! Let me know if you wanna work on something. I’m gonna tell you now, though. I’m not doing it for free just because we’re friends.”

That’s fair. He didn’t expect a discount either way. Art is hard work and it ain’t cheap.

“Yo! Gee! I heard you and Lazzara are gonna be going solo. Shit, if you need a guitarist. I’m down. I can play a little.” A blonde man interrupts. 

Gerard vaguely recognizes him from somewhere but, he’s not familiar enough to be calling him by a nickname.

“Yeah, no. We’re not looking for a guitarist right now. Thanks, though!”

He’s not really thankful but, this guy might be the only person in the room more drunk than he is and he seems like the kind of asshole you don’t want to piss off.

The dude only looks disappointed for a moment before he starts asking more questions.

“So, I heard you’re new band was gonna be called Watersports. Did you come up with that?” He asks. 

He’s standing way too close and practically breathing his booze breath down Gerard neck as he “interviews” him. The truth is, it was a tie between “Watersports” or “Whiskey Dicks.” Watersports won. It totally came from the fact that Gerard took a good look at Adam dry heaving in the bathroom and was like, “Yeah. Actually, I would definitely be okay with this guy taking a piss on my face because I’m into some freak shit.” But he’d never say that out loud to this guy because it’s weird and, he knows it’s fucking weird.

“Yeah. We wanted to go with something funny. Kind of like a Blink 182 thing.” 

He borrows the comparison from Lindsey because it’s a plausible enough reason to get this guy off his case.

“That’s cool, man.” Blond Guy says, “Look, I gotta go catch up with my girlfriend. Let me see your phone. I’ll give you my number so you can call me if you need someone to play guitar for you.”

Obviously, he’s not getting the hint. Gerard passes his phone over, watching it like a hawk, as the guy adds his number to his list of contacts.

“There ya go! Can’t wait to check out your new shit when it comes out! I better be the first to hear it.”

Lindsey and her friend pause their conversation mid-way through, just to watch the whole awkward interaction unfold. 

The second Gerard gets his phone back, he stuffs it back into his pocket, making it a point not to thank Blonde Guy for his compliments.It doesn’t seem like he’s even genuinely interested in Watersports, he just wants to ride their coattails. 

Jokes on him, they don’t have a single song written yet. They met once, got drunk and played a few cover songs together, and then came up with a name, just for fun, while they nursed their hangovers. There’s no guarantee this thing is gonna blow up. 

“Do you even know him?” Lindsey’s friend asks as soon as he’s out of earshot.

Gerard pulls his phone back out of his pocket and checks his contacts. In the background, someone is trying to play an acoustic guitar and sing over the music blasting from the home theater system. No one is paying attention. It’s just more noise to talk over.

“No! His name is Mike apparently. I know like, fifty Mikes but, I don’t recognize this dude at all. He might work for Eyeball Records or something.”

They spend a few more minutes talking before Gerard excuses himself to go find Frank. They showed up at this party together two hours ago and he hasn’t seen him since. Of course, Frank’s got more friends than Gerard can count on both hands so, he’s probably either outside smoking with someone, or in one of the bedrooms hooking up with someone.

“Hey! Gerard! It’s good to see you again!” The nasally voice coming from behind him is so familiar.

It isn’t Frank’s, though.

“Oh. Hey!” Gerard turns around to see one of Adam’s bandmates.

In his drunken state, he can’t for the life of him, remember the guy’s name. Maybe it’ll come to him mid-conversation. Hopefully.

“Adam told me he had a great time with you!” He says, “I know he’s been writing some stuff already. He’s so excited.”

Gerard smiles proudly. Everyone so far (with the exception of Mikey) has been so supportive. It’s so cool to see how many people are looking forward to hearing their work. 

“Yeah! He’s a great musician--” Gerard starts, and then he adds: “You both are. I had never heard your music until James made me watch your set. You guys are awesome.”

The name John pops into Gerard’s head. It’s John! The guy’s name is John.

He wants to ask John if Adam is here. He hasn’t seen him but, then again, this house is pretty big. He could have just missed him. 

“Thanks!” John says, “We’ve had a rough time the last couple of months with like, tour drama and stuff. I hope it didn’t show too much when you saw us.”

Gerard shakes his head. He never noticed any tension or anything. In fact, he was kind of jealous of the fact that they appeared to be having the time of their lives.

Someone changes the music to a country song as a joke and several people groan almost in unison. 

“Play Faith Hill!” A girl shouts. She sounds drunk. 

“We’ve had a lot of shit going on behind the scenes, too. I think everyone does.” Gerard says, turning his attention back to John.

He leaves out the fact that the “drama” is mostly his bandmates vs him. It’s all centered around him.

John plays around with the empty Solo cup he has in his hand. Seeing everyone with the red cups makes Gerard think of the college parties in movies. Looking around, the whole party looks like a big cliche.

“Me and Adam got together last summer and everyone is like, cool with it. But, sometimes, it gets weird because he’s so...much...sometimes.”

Gerard’s heart stops beating for a split second. When James pointed out that Adam was with someone, he never fucking specified that he was in a relationship with their guitarist. That would have been nice to know ahead of time.

He isn’t jealous or anything. John seems really sweet and, their relationship isn’t any of his business anyway. He’s just a little surprised that it never came up before. 

On the bright side, he now knows that Adam likes dick. Gerard had his suspicions before, just based on conversations they had while they were at dinner but, he didn’t know for sure.

“Yeah. I get that.” Gerard says, trying to play it off like he didn’t just zone out for a whole eight seconds or so.

There’s an awkward pause and he really hopes John can’t read his thoughts. 

“Well, next time you play in Jersey, you gotta let me know. Me and James will come see you guys again.” Gerard says, breaking the awkward silence. For some reason, he doesn’t want to get that deep with John right now. It isn’t that he doesn’t trust him or anything, he just doesn’t know him well enough yet to get into details about his personal life. 

He’s a habitual oversharer when he’s drunk and that’s a habit he really wants to break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok i feel like i should clarify that the "mike" guy isn't supposed to be anyone irl. he's just an OC for the sake of having more people at the party lmao. he doesn't have any significance.
> 
> as usual, my shit isn't beta-d or like proofread or anything
> 
> thanks for reading!!!!!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont even know anymore. im having writer's block but i didnt wanna totally abandon this story because inspiration might strike later. so here's....something

“So, how was the party last night?” James asks, taking his sandwich apart and picking the tomatoes and onions off of his sandwich. “I wish I coulda been there. Being sick fuckin’ sucks.”

Despite being sick with some kind of god awful cold, it was his idea to go out to lunch. Gerard’s not the type of person to go out of his way to plan things. If someone else doesn’t invite him somewhere, he’d just stay at home and order pizza (and, of course, get Mikey to answer the door because fuck getting out of bed on lazy days).

Gerard stuffs a couple of chips in his mouth, just to buy some extra time. He didn’t get blackout drunk or anything but, the details of last night’s events are still fuzzy. The lack of sleep doesn’t help either.

“It was cool, I guess. Not really the same without you there but, Frank and I had a good time. He hung out with one of his exes most of the time so, I didn’t hang with him that much. I saw Lindsey by the way!”

There’s now a small “salad” on one side of James’ plate and it makes Gerard wonder why the fuck he didn’t just order his sandwich the way he wanted it in the first place. It would have saved him a lot of trouble.

“Yeah? It’s been a while, huh? Last I heard, she was doing gig posters for some British band. How is she?”

His voice sounds rougher than it normally does. Gerard can tell he still doesn’t feel one hundred percent yet. 

“She’s great! Y’know, she might do the album art for Watersports...” He pauses, suddenly remembering an important detail from the party. “...Oh! Hey, why didn’t you tell me Adam and John were together? I had no idea.”

James shrugs and takes a bite out of his veggie-free sandwich. He’s doing the exact same thing Gerard just did; stalling for time until he can come up with a good enough answer.

“You specifically told me you didn’t wanna fuck him so, I didn’t think it was relevant.” He says matter-of-factly.

There has to be more to it than that. James is too much of a gossip to leave something like that out. 

Gerard looks around to see if anyone is listening. The people sitting closest to them aren’t looking but, they could very well be eavesdropping.

“Come on. You’re holding something back. I know it.” Gerard says.

“Okay, okay, okay. Fine. I didn’t tell ya because John isn’t like, publicly out yet and they didn’t want people to make their relationship into this big deal.”

It makes perfect sense. Lots of people keep their relationships private. People used to suspect he and Frank were secretly dating for some reason and they never stopped asking about it. Everyone thought they could somehow trick them into “admitting” they were having some kind of fling on tour. It was annoying and it made doing interviews a hundred and fifty times worse than it already is.

“Oh. Shit, I didn’t know. I totally get it, though. Remember when people wouldn’t shut up about me and Frank?”

James just laughs. It doesn’t sound like his usual laugh. It’s more like a strained wheeze followed by a coughing fit. 

“Yeah. I didn’t wanna put their business out there.” He chokes out in between coughs, “ I’m surprised John told you. Maybe he thinks you’re a good person.”

Gerard stirs the ice in his cup with his straw. Almost half of it is melting and his pink lemonade is all watered down but, he’s still taking sips of it every once in a while in an attempt to fight off the mild, nagging headache he feels coming on.

“I hate you. You’re such a dick.”

He knows that James knows that he’s only joking.

“Yeah?” James replies, disinterestedly. “So, have you guys actually written anything yet?”

Gerard’s eyes light up. He actually has jotted down a line or two here and there. Not much but, it’s progress.

“John told me that Adam’s been writing and I’ve got some shit down myself. I’m probably gonna call him tonight and see if he wants to come over to my place so we can work on it some more. I’m super stoked to see what he’s done so far.”

Doing a project “long distance” has it’s pros and cons. On one hand, they’re not together enough to get sick of each other and on the other hand, they can’t just walk across the hall and be like, “Hey! Look what I came up with!”  
There’s lots of planning and scheduling involved and it’s a bit of an inconvenience. 

James takes the second half of his sandwich apart (again) and stacks a couple of potato chips under the bread. 

“Do you not like your sandwich?” Gerard finally asks.

He’s deconstructed the damn thing about fifteen times already.

“Nah. It’s good.”

Gerard leaves it at that. It’s weird but, James is weird anyway. He’s learned not to question some things after a while. They both watch as a kid, who has to be under the age of six, goes up to where the chips are and takes several bags. The teenager working behind the counter looks away and pretends not to see. He seems like such an awkward and shy guy. Someone who just wants to avoid confrontation.

The kid dashes back to the table and her mom immediately makes her put them all back.

“So, Watersports...” James starts, turning his attention back to Gerard, “I gotta know. Why’d you call it Watersports?”

Gerard looks up at the ceiling as if, somehow, the perfect answer to that question would be written up there. If he were a good liar, he’d say Adam came up with it and he has no idea where the idea came from but, he’s not. The look on his face tells James that he’s trying so hard not to laugh.

He leans in and lowers his voice to where the family sitting at the table next to them won’t overhear. It’s not the most family-friendly story he’s ever had to tell.

“Okay, You can’t tell anyone this story but, we got super drunk when we hung out and I had to pee really bad and, at some point, I looked over at Adam and I was like ‘wow, he’s kinda cute, I’d let him piss on me.’ so, when we were coming up with names, I just thought of Watersports.”

James raises his eyebrows. That’s the condensed version of the story. There was a long string of thoughts in between “I gotta pee” and “He’s hot.” Gerard just leaves them out because they’re nobody’s business but his own and, James can’t keep his mouth shut to save his life.

“You’re fuckin’ dirty, man! I didn’t know you were into that kinda stuff.”

Gerard can feel his cheeks and the tips of his ears burning bright red.

“God, you’re so loud. Keep it down!” He snaps. 

Realistically, he knows nobody actually cares about their conversation. Even if they did listen in, what would they do? Tell their friends that they overheard two sketchy looking guys talking about piss in a local sandwich shop? It doesn’t matter, and he knows it doesn’t, but he still feels a little self conscious when James puts it out there like that.

“I’m just fuckin’ with you.” James says. “But, seriously, you better come up with a good lie because people are gonna ask questions with a name like that.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a little bit of smut in this one. just a heads up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kinda skimmed over this chapter before i posted but i may have missed some glaring errors. i dont think i did tho.

Tonight is important. Tonight is the night Adam is supposed to be coming over to work on their music. This time, Gerard actually plans on getting things done instead of getting completely and utterly shitfaced. He’s got a bunch of stuff written already. Nothing really solid, just bits and pieces of lyrics and a couple of little tunes he’s been humming off and on the last few days.

He pulls out his little memo pad and rereads some of the things he’s worked on. Hopefully, it’s good enough. No matter how many times he’s heard people praise his songwriting skills, there’s a lingering sense of doubt that just kind of follows him. 

If Mikey were home, he’d hand him the notepad and ask him to “Go ahead and fuckin’ read it. See if it’s any good.” but, Mikey is out with other friends. There’s no one here to give him any kind of critique before he puts it out there.

“Shit. I gotta get cleaned up...” Gerard mutters to himself. It’s only six-thirty. Adam isn’t supposed to show up until eight. It might even be later than that if traffic is bad or if he has trouble finding the place.

An hour and a half is more than enough time to take a long shower. The bathroom tile feels cold on his bare feet. He takes a look in the mirror. There’s nothing he really likes about his face. With makeup he looks pretty fucking cool. Without it, his face isn’t necessarily ugly, it’s just plain and boring. He wishes he was pale and corpse-like naturally. It’d make him way more exciting. If there was some kind of surgery or something that would make him permanently look like the living dead, he would do it in a heartbeat, even with his fear of needles.

The shower’s warm water feels good against his skin. It never really feels like it’s hot enough, though. That is, until it gets too hot and he feels like he’s gonna pass out on the shower floor.

In his mind, he makes up scenarios of how tonight will pan out. They’ll be sitting on his bed, across from each other, working on their music, and Adam will bring up how he’s oh-so-secretly in love with him and how he’s not with John anymore.

And then they’ll lean in to kiss. It starts off slow and passionate but, tongues get involved and there’s moaning and trails of saliva that connect their mouths when they pull away just long enough to catch a quick breath.

Gerard touches himself shamelessly. Mikey isn’t here so, for now, the coast is clear. He can be as noisy as he wants.

He pictures Adam in the shower with him, fucking him from behind up against the shower walls. He doesn’t know exactly what his body looks like, or what he sounds like when he’s fucking but, his brain sort of fills in the blanks on it’s own somehow. The details don’t matter. What matters is that he’s getting fucked hard and good and--

Somehow, they switch places. His dick is down Adam’s throat as he gags on it, trying to take in as much as he can. Big, brown doe eyes staring up at him eagerly. There’s hair pulling involved and spit, and cum, and sweat.

At some point, Adam is replaced with Frank because, fuck it, when you haven’t gotten laid in what feels like, seventy-five-thousand years, everyone is fuckin’ hot. 

As soon as he cums, he feels uncomfortable. All of the dirty thoughts he had earlier seem weird now. The water is starting to run cold.

“Fuck.” He says, quietly.

When he gets out of the shower, he makes a point not to look at himself in the mirror again.

Choosing what to wear is harder than he would ever admit. Gerard rummages through his closet, trying to find an outfit that doesn’t look like he’s trying too hard but, at the same time, doesn’t look too sloppy. He’s not comfortable enough with Adam yet to let him see him in his worn out lazy day clothes.

A tee shirt and jeans will have to do. This time, he skips the makeup, even though he feels like a smudgy black eyeshadow would tie the whole look together. His hair stays messy. It’s starting to look stringy as it air dries. Perfect. If he runs a brush through it, it’ll look too straight and neat.

More work goes into looking like he doesn’t care than actually looking halfway decent.

When Adam shows up, he’s not dressed any nicer than Gerard is. He’s got the same lazy tee shirt, jeans, and unkempt hair going on.

...Except Adam decided to go with eyeliner tonight.

He does his differently than Gerard does. Just a little bit in the bottom waterline. It’s simple and barely noticeable from afar.

“Hey! How are you? You look good with eyeliner!” Gerard says.

He’s not sure if he should go in for a hug, or a handshake, or one of those friendly half-hug-half-back-pat thing that straight guys always do. Luckily, Adam makes the first move and gives him a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek.

He smells like a mix of cigarettes, cheap cologne, and the inside of an old thrift store.

“Nah. Not really.” Adam replies. His cheeks turn a light shade of pink. “I just thought I’d wear it because, y’know, we talked about it before and stuff.”

“Oh yeah!” Gerard pretends like he’s just now remembering the conversation they had. “Is it Urban Decay?”

He motions for Adam to follow him inside as he talks. The living room is a bit of a mess and he really wishes he had thought about cleaning up. It’s no big deal, though. Adam’s place wasn’t any neater. Besides, he has Mikey to blame some of the clutter on.

“No. I don’t remember what it is. It’s somethin’ I picked up at Walgreens when I was high as shit. It gets the job done, I guess.”

Gerard only half listens to Adam’s story about getting fucked up with some friends behind a bar and then wandering off to a nearby Walgreens for a mini shopping spree. The way his jeans hang low on his hips makes it hard to focus. 

“I can’t even remember what else I bought.” Adam admits, sheepishly. “It’s not something that I’m proud of. I’m at the point in my life now where I’m like, ‘I know this shit is bad for me but, I’m gonna do it anyway just because I can.’ It’s probably not the best way to live, though. I wouldn’t recommend it.”

He’s sitting on the very edge of the couch, up against the arm, as if he’s trying to take up the smallest amount of space possible.

Gerard doesn’t need him to go into any more details. He can put two and two together on his own. He’s in the same boat, after all. His lifestyle makes him feel indestructible. He knows he isn’t but, the fact that he’s leaving something tangible behind with his music makes him feel like he can live forever even if his body doesn’t.

 

“Trust me. I’ve done some stupid shit when I was fucked up, too. I know I need to cut back or it’s gonna kill me one of these days.” He says, sympathetically.

It’s been a while since he’s had a conversation about this with someone other than James. James is the only person that doesn’t try to guilt trip him into getting sober. He just listens and reassures him that it’s not a problem. Everyone drinks too much. That’s just part of tour life.

Adam sighs and leans back, finally getting comfortable in Gerard’s home.

“Yeah. I’m not trying to be like, straight edge or anything. That’s too much work. Like, I don’t think I’ve been one-hundred-percent clean and sober since I was like, fifteen. I just kinda, y’know, don’t wanna do it all in excess anymore. I’m getting too old, I guess.”

He punctuates his sentence with a half hearted laugh. Like, he's trying to convince himself that he’s only joking.

Gerard can relate. He feels like he can handle drinking as long as he isn’t totally dependent on it and, right now, he doesn’t need a drink. Therefore, he must be okay.

It makes perfect sense to him. If only his friends and family could see it that way.

“I get it. I can’t imagine touring without booze and shit. Like, what else is there to do?” Gerard asks.

The truth is, there are plenty of things to do but, they’re not as fun when you’re not under the influence.

Like writing music.

**Author's Note:**

> if you made it all the way down here, thanks for reading!


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